Nourishing Body, Mind and Spirit

A couple of months ago, we purchased a pellet stove.

We’d been talking about getting either a wood stove or a pellet stove for years and after experiencing a lot of power outages this winter, it felt like it was time to make the investment.

(Note, we also have a generator, which is needed in case of a power outage since pellet stoves need a small amount of electricity (~50 watts) to run the motor that feeds the pellets).

We love our new stove, and as a bonus, we have found that Moses doesn’t mind doing his homework if he’s doing it by the fire!

Homework by the fire

Homework by the fire

 

DH spends most of his free time right here

DH spends most of his free time relaxing right here

Well, it’s officially been spring for awhile now, but I have been very slow at downloading photos off our camera.

I thought you’d enjoy some of our backyard winter photos. For some quick and simple fun, we enjoy sledding on the small hill in our neighbour’s back yard.

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Simple backyard fun!

 

And DH couldn’t resist riding his new “fat” bike down our neighbour’s hill too! We have very understanding neighbours.

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More backyard fun!

And this is the sort of mischief that DH likes to teach our 7 year old – how to jump off the roof of the shed after having a major snow fall. This photo was taking only a couple of weeks ago!

fun jumping off the roof of our shed

Fun jumping off the roof of our shed

So there you have it! Hopefully, I’ll be able to share some spring photos with you soon! Spring has been slow to come in our part of the world. :-)

An allergy-friendly “ice cream” sandwich!

We’ve been pretty excited about discovering how yummy So Good non-dairy “ice cream” is!  For a long time, we avoided soy with Moses since soy isn’t supposed to be good for you, but the Soy Good “ice cream” is just sooo good, that we do indulge from time to time.

We decided to make some very easy allergy-friendly ice cream sandwiches with Enjoy Life’s Double Chocolate cookies (again – so good) and the Vanilla So Good “ice cream”.

It takes about 30 seconds to make and is so delicious!

It was a big, big hit with Moses!!!!

He even wrote about it in his journal at school the next day:

“I had a cookie and ice cream. It was yummy and after I played with my mom”. :-)

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The easiest allergy-friendly “recipe” ever!

 

Big thumbs up from Moses!

Two big thumbs up from Moses!

A day of self-care

Here’s some of the photos from my “self love marathon” photo shoot with Heather Nolan a couple of weeks ago.  I love them!

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Given what I’ve recently been experiencing, I came across this great article that pretty much describes what Moses and I have been going through with respect to being an empath.: “30 Traits of an Empath” by Christel Broederlow- read the whole article here.

Number 12 is particularly relevant to me at the moment:

“Drawn to healing, holistic therapies and all things metaphysical: Although many empaths would love to heal others they can end up turning away from being healers (even though they have a natural ability for it), after they’ve studied and qualified, because they take on too much from the one they are trying to heal. Especially if they are unaware of their empathy. Anything of a supernatural nature is of interest to empaths and they don’t surprise or get shocked easily. Even at the revelation of what many others would consider unthinkable.

um… yes!

But truthfully, most all of the 30 traits resonate for me…

I’ve noticed…

This will be “out there” for some of you.

Given the recent work that I’ve been doing with the karmic healer, I’ve started to take notes on everything that I do, in case something that I am doing is affecting Moses. As you know, I stopped energy healing and teaching yoga since the healer said that I am basically a huge energetic sponge and my body likes to suck out pain and suffering from people’s bodies, and in turn, Moses does the same for me.

I’ve started noticing that Moses has been having night terrors or winds up with pain and sometimes even in the hospital when I attend yoga classes, dance classes and meditation classes. He wound up in the ER while I attending one yoga class, and within hours of another yoga class that I attended. Moses will be perfectly fine when I leave the house, and when I return, DH will tell me that Moses inexplicably will start having abdominal pain, or if he’s asleep, will have one to two night terrors. And the next morning, Moses will describe to me in vivid detail the monsters that he has seen during his dreams.

I’m at the point where I am starting to take all of this very seriously.  I’ve been tracking Moses long enough to know that Moses would always get sick or even wind up in the hospital after I attend or host a ceremony, ritual, healing circle and Wish Game. Every single time. And since hindsight is 20/20, these are things that I am starting to remember:

  • The very first time that I brought Moses to see a shamanic healer when he was 2.5 years old, he cried and screamed like I’d never seen him cry and scream before.
  • He had one of his first anaphylactic reactions after I started playing Doreen Virtue’s “chakra healing” cd for the first time when he was 2 years old.
  • Within days of  receiving my Munay-ki rites of healing, Moses wound up in the hospital when he was 2 years old with abdominal bleeding (we thought it was because of accidental exposure to eggs at the time, but we don’t really know for sure what the cause was).
  • He developed pneumonia that required hospitalization after he received a Reiki attunement when he was 3 years old.
  • The very next day after I played the Wish game when he was 5 years old, Moses wound up in the hospital with pneumonia for 3.5 days.
  • In Sept 2012, Moses developed 5 abscesses after I attended and I spent a lot of time in sacred ceremony and ritual.
  • After spending time in ceremony with an African shaman last summer, Moses developed a total of 17 abscesses, 6 that needed to be drained by a surgeon. A couple of those abscesses spontaneously arose while I was actually in ceremony with the shaman (i.e., they weren’t there when I left in the morning and by the time that I returned to the house at the end of the day, he had new huge abscesses under his armpit).
  • He had an anaphylactic reaction to canned beans while I was doing a ceremony recommended by the African shaman, and Moses had helped me gather the plants that were used in the ceremony.

I am obviously a very slow learner, and I am finally starting to listen.

Why did it take me so long to see that the ceremonies and healing rituals that I was doing was possibly not helping?

  • Because I believed in the paradigm of healing reactions, so I thought that all of these ceremonies were “bringing things to the surface” and the illness and abscesses were possibly a good sign.
  • Because I felt that the intention behind the ceremonies were good and loving (and they were), and could not possibly result in a negative outcome.

I have been trying to learn different ways to run my energy so that I don’t unwittingly take on the world’s sufferings (and in turn pass them on to Moses). It hasn’t been easy for me since I’ve been running my energy in this way for years / decades, and even lifetimes. I have been a medicine man / woman / shaman / healer for so many lifetimes. It’s what I know.

I am sharing this with you today since it’s a couple of days after the spring equinox, and I often participate in a spring equinox ceremony around this time of year. Some of my friends are going to be participating in one tonight, and a part of me longs to be there. There’s still a part of me that is grieving a loss of a big part of my identity and even community. I even dreamed about it last night. In my dream, I explained to the community why I was no longer participating in ceremony, and they told me that they felt it was a shame because I was such a big healer. I explained in turn that it wasn’t me that was the healer, but my son, and I could no longer do it.

I shared how I was feeling with a dear friend a couple of days ago. I shared how I was grieving a loss of identity and also that I felt lonely and a bit crazy. As much as the shamanic path is a lonely path anyway as it’s not very mainstream, I had been happy that I had found it because I had felt in community with other like-minded people.

It sounds crazy, doesn’t it – the fact that I feel that I can’t go to dance, meditation or yoga class for fear that Moses might wind up in the hospital.

Still, I am not alone. I do still have some friends who understand me and respect my journey.

My wise friend felt that this transformation that I was going through was going to open up something new and beautiful. She just knows it. And she also reminded me that it doesn’t need to be forever. Right now, I’m still learning the tools and learning to run my energy another way that’s healthier for me and Moses. Once I have learned to run my energy in a healthy way, I will likely be able to be in group situations without taking on other people’s stuff.

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Until then, I am going to practice running my energy in a healthy way. I can still go for walks in nature. Thankfully, working out at the Y seems to be perfectly fine, and even taking yoga classes at the Y seems to be fine as well. I can hang out with friends, meet them for tea and go out for dinner. So, it’s really not all that bad!

And it’ll all be worth it if helps me and Moses in the long run.

The sun is rising and it's a brand new day!

The sun is rising and it’s a brand new day!

Well, there’s more to catch up on.

Right after our best week ever, Moses’ body started creating abscesses like crazy. Three under both armpits and one on his groin. A few of them painful, which is very unfortunate.

Oh. my. goodness.

These are his first surface abscesses that he’s had since both of his armpits were drained when he was in the hospital in November.  I think the super antibiotic that he was on (Linezolid) kept them away. He was on Linezolid for 7.5 weeks and stopped taking it in late January after his surgery for the intra-abdominal abscesses. February 22 was the first day that I noticed a small abscess on his left armpit, but Moses said that it had been there for a couple of weeks.

I have some theories about what brought on this latest round of abscesses, which I’ll share in the next post, but on the good side of things, I wanted to mention that Moses’ body has been doing a great job of trying to release these abscsesses. In the last 10 days, he has had 4 abscesses spontaneously drain and stay open for a longer time, which allows them a long time to drain. The groin abscess has completely resolved on its own, and right now both of his armpits are currently draining on their own.

His surgeon is pleased that Moses’ body seems to be resolving the abscesses better. We have started giving Moses more consistent bleach baths once or twice a day (I hate doing this, but it’s one of the recommendations for MRSA, and on the good side of things, it’s not a medication).

And, I’ve been trying to do more daily meditations, which I feel might be helping on an energetic level.

In any case, something positive seems to be changing, and I am still so optimistic that eventually Moses’ abscesses will be a thing of the past….

March 29, 2014 update

In the last week, Moses had two new abscesses appear:

  • right groin; and
  • left bum cheek.

And, he had two more abscesses spontaneously drain:

  • right groin (it started draining a couple of days after it appeared);
  • his left armpit (just started draining today).

So this brings us to 6 abscesses spontaneously drain in the last couple of weeks.

Right now he has:

  • two small ones on his right armpit;
  • a huge one draining on his left armpit, but that one seems to have multiple pockets, so this one isn’t completely resolved yet;
  • the right groin abscess may have resolved, but there’s still a small spot of “hardness”; and
  • the small one on his left bum cheek just started a couple of days ago.

On the good side of things, these abscesses are all spontaneously draining and none have needed surgical intervention. Moses has been seeing his surgeon every Friday. Yesterday, the surgeon decided not to drain any of them because he figured that Moses’ body is doing a good job on its own.

We hope to get off this cycle of abscesses soon……

April 5, 2014

Over the last week, Moses had:

  • one abscess under his right armpit spontaneously drain yesterday; and
  • an abscess on his bottom was drained by a surgeon today. He was anaesthesized using Madazolam.

So over the last few weeks, that’s a total of 7 that have drained spontaneously and one that needed surgical intervention.

On the good side of things, he had no new abscesses develop over the last week. Thank goodness.

Right now, he has only two small abscess left, one under each armpit.

I see a light at the end of the tunnel… Hopefully the last two resolve on their own and they we have a good long break.

A few hours later on April 5

Moses showed us another swollen lymph node behind his right ear. Quite sizeable. He says that it’s been there for three weeks or so. Hopefully it’s just a swollen lymph node and that once all of these abscesses resolve, it will also resolve on their own.

Also, we noticed that he has developed a rash on both sides of his hips. They almost look like burn marks. We think that we have been using too much bleach in his bleach baths. We are stopping the bleach baths now.

April 12, 2014

Moses had two more abscesses spontaneously drain under his left armpit on Tuesday, during ball hockey. They both closed up by the next morning, and then started spontaneously draining again on Wednesday at 5 am (a few hours after his long-distance karmic healing session).

So that’s a total of 9 abscesses that have drained spontaneously and one that needed surgical intervention.

It’s Saturday today, and he has one more abscess under his right armpit, some swollen-ness (scar tissue?) under his left armpit and a swollen lymph node behind his right ear. Hopefully they will be resolve on their own very, very soon! On the good side of things, no new abscesses developed over the last week, and he hasn’t had a night terror for over 2 weeks now.

I am learning to live with my feet on the earth.

During the last week, I’ve been making more of a concerted effort to listen to Racquel’s meditation cds on a daily basis and practicing the tools that she provides to help keep my energetic body healthy and grounded. One of her instructions is that when you listen to the meditation, your feet must be on the earth and you cannot cross your arms or your legs.

That simple instruction has made me aware that for most of my life, I have managed to live without having my feet on the earth. I work during the day as a technical writer at a computer and spend all of that time with my feet off the earth, tucked under me. I eat my dinner the same way, with my feet tucked under me. I sit on the couch the same way. If I ever do manage to sit with my feet on the earth, I quickly cross my legs. It is so. so. so. difficult for me to have both feet planted on the earth.

I’ve known this about me for a very long time, but it’s been too difficult, too painful even, for me to change this habit. Because having my feet on the earth and uncrossing my legs brings me more into my body. And my body has been a painful place for me as a result of childhood trauma and more. And once you start learning how to live without being in the body, your body can start becoming inhabited by energies that make the body unpleasant to be in. And thus the cycle continues.

So this week, I am starting to live with my feet on the earth. For the first few days, it was so difficult to uncross my legs and to bring my feet back to the earth. I noticed that when I felt anxious or afraid, my feet would automatically tuck back under me. It’s been the way that I protect myself, to help myself feel less and to be less present to unpleasant sensations in my body.

I spent much of today with my feet on the earth. Still, I noticed times when I would get anxious and my feet would tuck up under me. And, I managed to be present enough to bring them back down and connect with the earth energy. Feel the earth energy rising up my legs and cleansing my channels.

Even now, as I sit here sharing this story with you, I am aware of my feet and my connection to the earth.

I am really, really doing it. Real tangible change is happening. It really is.

Photo credit: Warrior Poets

Photo credit: Warrior Poets

Since I’m on a roll with good news, I also wanted to share that my acupuncturist remarked today that there has been a palpable shift in my energy body. She said that she noticed more of a calmness in me as soon as I walked into her room, and that this calmness is also present in my pulses, which have a  tendency towards being “wiry”. My pulse has been “wiry” for years.

She felt the shift was so remarkable that she was interested in possibly booking a session with my karmic healer.

Earlier this week, our chiropractor also remarked that Moses and my energetic bodies are feeling more clear, and even better than they felt during our last session (and during the last session, he had remarked that our systems were feeling clearer). More and more evidence that the karmic work that we have been doing is having a tangible effect on Moses and me.

Some more good news.

Moses did great on his latest report card and his teacher remarked that in the last couple of weeks, he has been showing less work avoidance and has been more interested in school.

We are so proud.

It’s been a rough go for Moses as he generally does not like school, and he also misses quite a lot of school when he’s not feeling well. When you ask him what his favourite subjects are, he replies: “Gym, lunch and recess”.

He loves sports!

He loves sports!

Earlier in the year, his disdain for school was so bad that he would much rather spend his time at the hospital than at school. This caused us quite a bit of concern.

Needless to say, I am soooooo happy with this change in attitude. It feels like something is clicking for him. His reading and writing skills are improving, and as I shared a couple of weeks ago, he’s been writing and illustrating stories on his own time,  just for fun.

By the way, we feel that the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series is simply brilliant. I really feel that these books have helped him to be interested in reading books, and DH and I also enjoy reading them.

Diary of a wimpy kid

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