Nourishing Body, Mind and Spirit

On suffering

I’m sorry, dear readers, but we’ve been going through a difficult time… And everything is raw right now.

I’ve been thinking a lot about suffering lately.

I feel that one of the most difficult things to do is to not be able to take away your child’s pain.

Moses’ pain is so intense that sometimes morphine doesn’t even touch his pain.And he is begging to be released from his pain, for mom to help relieve him of his pain.
He feels abandoned by the doctors and the nurses.
Doesn’t understand why he is in the hospital and no one is there to help him with his suffering.
For hours on end, he begs and screams and yells…

“Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom!!!!
I’m in PAIN.
My stomach hurts.
I feel sick.
Why aren’t you doing anything??”

And, it’s taking all of me just to hold it together.
It’s taking all of me to be present with his pain.
I tell him that all I can do is to pray and to snuggle him and to massage him with some oils. That’s all I can do.

And he yells at me…

“Praying doesn’t help!! The oils don’t help!!
The medicine doesn’t help!!

Why am I the only who suffers?
Why am I the only one who has bumps?
I just want the bumps to go away.
I hate being me.
I hate being me.

Why aren’t you doing anything, MOM? Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom.

I’m in PAIN!!! I’m in pain!

Mom, mom, mom, mom, MOM. I hurt. My belly hurts. I’m in PAIN.”

And it takes all of me to be able to stay there, in the presence of his suffering.

And this goes on and on and on for hours.

And I feel powerless.

I tell him that I’m sorry that he has to go through this. That it’s not fair, and that I’m sorry.
And it breaks my heart.

This quote has come up for me…

I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

- Oriah Mountain Dreamer

I’m finding it very, very difficult. Please join us in our prayers. For ease. For healing. For us to be able to return home soon.

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Comments on: "On suffering" (12)

  1. So sorry to hear about what’s going on with Moses. I am praying for him!!!!!
    Remember…. Duet. 20:4 The Lord your God is going with you. He will fight for you against your enemies and give you victory!!
    Joshua 1:9 Do Not be afraid or discouraged. I am with you wherever you go”!!
    Psalm 34:19 The righteous person may have many troubles but the Lord delivers him from them all

  2. Suffering sucks, I am praying to God to deliver you from this situation. You are a wonderful mom!

  3. Thanks, Dasha, for your prayers and encouragement.

  4. Prayers and healing for you. I am so sorry for the pain you and Moses are experiencing. Blessings to you. Visions of Moses healthy and happy.

  5. Thanks, Denise, for your prayers and support.

  6. Janice, those are words no mother should hear. My thoughts are with your family.

  7. I am so sorry to hear your boy is having such a hard time..me and my son also are going thru tremendous suffering..i was thinking about the whole point of it all..and just could only think purifying us all thru the fire…i dont always buy it..but what can we do..but fight the good fight..all my love and good wishes to moses..

  8. spirityoga said:

    Thank you, Sherry and fighting autism for listening and your thoughts.

    Fighting Autism: I’m so sorry to hear that you and your son have been suffering…. I do love the image of the purification through the fire….. Much much love to you and your son as well….. May you find an ease to your son’s suffering quickly…..

  9. I’m so sorry to hear the pain that you guys are going through. Praying for you guys. Just couple days ago I found your blog when I was searching for food allergies. My son has autoimmune disorder and is allergic to everything under the sun. To correct his autoimmune problem we just started with LDA ( low dose allergen treatment) and planning to start LDN(Naltrexone low dose) in couple of weeks. I read that LDN is very promising for autoimmune disorders. Not sure whether Moses syndrome comes under autoimmune disorder. Please look in to LDN.

  10. Hi Pinky: Thanks for your kind words. Thankfully, Moses is feeling much better (experiencing less pain now), although he is still in the hospital. I feel that he is definitely on the mend and the worst is over.

    I will discuss LDN with his naturopath and see what she thinks. I very much appreciate your recommendation.

  11. I just said a prayer for your little one. He will be fine. May the Almighty take away his pain…all his pain right now. May he have a wonderful holiday season with his family at home.

  12. Thank you, Ariana! His intense pain has passed, thankfully. We are still in the hospital and hope to be out very soon… Many blessings to you and yours.

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