2012 felt like a doozy of a year. So many highs and so many lows.
I was one of the people who started anticipating the Big Shift of 2012 as early as 01.01.01, and it’s funny how when 12.12.12 came and 12.21.12 arrived, I didn’t even blink an eye or feel a huge need to participate in a ceremony (although I did welcome the winter solstice quietly and beautifully during a candlelit restorative yoga workshop led by one of my dearest friends). I resonated with a different interpretation of the end of the Mayan calendar and actually felt the big shift last year on October 28, 2011.
I think most everyone is feeling things strongly these days. I personally feel that we are all being strongly called to live from the heart. If we try to live from the mind, we will literally go out of our minds. But if we live our lives from the quiet stillness from our hearts, we will find peace within, no matter how chaotic things may appear on the outside.
I feel that I have been shedding much over the last few months. I hosted an Aya despacho (a ceremony that involved the preparation of a prayer bundle to honour our ancestors) at the end of October. In November, I attended a two day Dying Consciously workshop, during which we wrote our own obituaries, experienced the death rites (twice) and listened to our obituaries being read while our luminous body were disconnected (temporarily) from our physical body. It was a very profound experience. And then a couple of days ago, I experienced another form of the death rites as part of an Ancient Egyptian Mysticism course. So much shedding of the past, so that we can be reborn.
I feel that I’ve done so much processing and deep energetic work that, ironically, over the last few weeks since our 12 days in the hospital that I’ve fled up into the safety of my mind. I’ve been researching, researching, researching. Hoping to find comfort by reading how essential oils have helped so many people. Hoping and praying that my son will be amongst those that they will help.
During our Christmas holidays, I’ve also slowly been trying to ease back into my body. Practicing yoga here and there. Meditating again. Connecting to that deep and wise voice within that tells me that all will be alright. We are all safe. My boy will be okay, is okay, actually is more than okay. He is healing. He is really healing. Trust, trust, trust, trust, trust.
And, I really do believe in my heart of hearts that he is. I know that he is. He has come so far that other than during our periodic hospital visits (!), no one can tell that he has an immune disorder.
He runs around. He is happy and well. He is smart. He is funny. He loves to dance. He has tons of fun with his favourite cousin. He brings us so much joy. He has lots of energy. Nothing holds him back. He is a typical crazy six year old.
His body seems to be recovering well from his pneumonia. It’s not holding him back. The day after our trip to the hospital last week, no one could tell that he was recovering from pneumonia. He bounces back so quickly.
Now, he has three new abscesses. One of them is huge. All of them are in a very sensitive area. Not fun at all. But, he doesn’t complain. He still runs around and plays. He’s been in a great mood. But the one that is huge looks like it may need hospital intervention. Possibly as soon as tomorrow. And, truthfully, I’m devastated about that. It’s the absolute last thing that I want to do on the first day of a new year — have a trip to the ER, a consultation with a surgeon and try to keep my son calm during a painful procedure (he assures me that even though they use a topical anaesthetic, it still hurts when they drain it). And it’s in a sensitive area — his groin. Not fun for any of us.
I’m terribly sad. Feel that it’s not fair. He’s gone through so much. Why does he keep getting these d*mn abscesses. From a homeopathic perspective, it’s a sign of healing — things are coming to the surface to resolved. I’ve been taking a break from homeopathic clearing because I feel that his body needs a break from clearing, and yet his body is still creating abscesses. Is it because his body is still trying to clear the syphilitic miasm on its own? Is he responding to the recent energy work that I’ve been doing (which he seems to do — when I undergo healing for myself, his body tends to respond). Is it a healing reaction to the essential oils — are they clearing him from a deep level too? I’m not sure. I hope that the abscesses are signs of healing. I need to believe that they are. It would be heartbreaking and demoralizing for me to believe what the medical model believes — that he’s just getting them because his immune system is compromised and his body has a difficult time from fighting infection. I need to believe that they are a sign of healing.
So then, I go within. I connect to that deep and wise voice and inner knowingness. And the deep and wisest part of me tells me the truth: Moses is healing. He is healing. He is healing. Trust. Trust. Trust. Trust.
And so I do. I need to.
I pray for ease, grace, balance, health, joy and beauty for our family and for yours in 2013.
Happy New Year, dear friends.
January 1, 2013 – We decided to wait a couple more days to give Moses’ body some more time to see if it can resolve the abscesses on their own. Whew! I’m very thankful.