This is a summary of my Heilkunst (sequential homeopathy) update from early January to mid-Feb (6 weeks). Read more about our Heilkunst journey here.
On January 7, 2017, I started the following droppers:
1) Illic. 30C – (Physical – Digestion/Skin/Sleep/TMJ/Foot calluses/Hay fever/Allergies/Peri-menopause/Neck and shoulder pain) – a drop a day
2) Hedysar. 200C – (Emotions – Anxiety/Stress re: AJ and new job) – a drop a day
3) Form. 1M – Mentals – Life purpose/Self-confidence/Self-esteem/Socialization/Adjustment to life in Calgary) – a drop a day
4) Acute – Peri-menopausal symptoms – Chlorum 12C – as needed
5) Acute – anxiety over new job, transitions, and AJ’s condition – Azad. 30C
New Timeline Wafer:
Imper. 12C/30C/200C/1M/10M – Trauma AJ’s birth
When I started my new droppers, I was still clearing my friend’s death in June 2006 (I had taken my last timeline wafer on the day before I started my new droppers). I was doing okay emotionally, but was still eating a lot of comfort food. We were just getting back into our new back to school and work routine and I was in the middle of “birthing” an educational program for physicians and nurses.
A couple of days later, on Jan 9th, I had cold symptoms (sore throat, achy, chilled, headache, low energy). I very rarely get a cold, so I figured this was likely related to my timeline clearing. Oddly enough, DH also had a cold at the same time, but thankfully (and remarkably), AJ didn’t. Woot woot!!!
It was very hard for me to continue to work with my cold, but I felt like I had to because I was in the middle of birthing an educational program and there were a lot of pieces that were coming together. I was pleased with how things were unfolding, but it wasn’t easy given that I wasn’t feeling my best.
By Jan 14th, I was feeling better and was feeling happy about the success of the birth of our new educational program. I was busy, busy, busy with work, including working late hours, but I was fed to my core because I love, love, love what I’m doing and the educational program that we are creating. It feels like important, soulful and meaningful work. It felt like the worst of my healing reaction to my last wafers was behind me and I was feeling less stressed about things in general. Happy because AJ was doing so well with his transition to his new school and was healthy and well.
And then everything really all fell apart during a period between Jan 17th to 19th when AJ had to get to the ER (again) for more anaesthesia to drain a huge abscess on his face that was causing facial cellulitis, had a baby tooth removed, started IV antibiotics and then needed his monthly IVIG treatment (you can read all about that here). During same week, I was birthing my educational program and it was a very, very busy time at my work. I was burning the candle at both ends, working while at the hospital with AJ, and then working travelling across town during the evening to help deliver educational sessions. I had been scheduled to work three evenings that week, but gave up one of my shifts because it was too much and I needed some time.
DH confided in me that for the first time, he regretted moving across the country, away from his family. He worried (well, we both did) that perhaps both of us can’t hold full time jobs, especially because his job isn’t flexible and he can’t very well do inspections of homes and businesses remotely / from home. Fortunately, I can do some of my work remotely, but really, I’m more productive in my office because all of my papers are in the office, and part of my job also involves travelling out of town (quite a lot of travel, actually) and right now, I’ve started working some early mornings and some evenings. The truth is that many parents of immuno-compromised children often have one parent who doesn’t work because it’s really a full time job in itself to make it to all of the appointments and to provide all of the physical and emotional support that the child needs. It was easier with my last job because I worked exclusively from home, 300 m from AJ’s school and 15 minutes from the hospital and I also worked part-time hours, AND they also knew that my son had health concerns and when AJ was sick, they knew that he was my priority and would allow me the time and space to deal with AJ’s illnesses when they occurred. Fortunately, I am highly productive, effective and valuable as an employee so they allowed me the flexibility when I needed it.
My current work is also flexible and understanding, but with the travel that is required, I am a bit worried. I just hope that AJ’s health will stabilize by the time I am travelling out of town (which will start in April). May it be so because I love my job. It fulfills me at a deep, deep level, so I feel intuitively that it will all work out.
Clearing AJ’s birth
It’s now Sunday, January 29th, and AJ’s emotional and physical health has been stable for four days and we’re all so thankful and happy. We are getting back to “normal”. DH is mountain biking this morning, AJ will go skating with a friend this afternoon, and I will be painting tonight with a friend. Yay, yay, yay!
On January 27th, I started a new timeline clearing (Imper. 12C/30C/200C/1M/10M), clearing AJ’s birth (again). A couple of months ago, I cleared the events of the 6 first days of AJ’s life when he spent time in NICU. A few years ago, I cleared his birth with a different Heilkunstler. (And AJ has cleared his own birth – the physical effects and emotional effects). Since we moved back to AJ’s birth city in September, I’ve been sequentially clearing events associated with different hospitals as we have returned to these hospitals and it has been re-triggering traumatic events for me (e.g., Children’s hospital clearing last month).
Starting next week, I’ll be birthing an educational program at the very hospital where AJ was born, so it’s timely that I’m clearing his birth. Given that AJ and I are so interconnected, any clearing that I do helps us both, and it’s particularly important given that AJ’s system is currently too sensitive for him to handle any of his own timeline clearings. (He has done his own timeline clearings in the past with different Heilkunstlers and they were very destabilizing for him, and he’s also done his own timeline clearings with our current Heilkunstler, but only when his system was strong enough to handle it).
I have no doubt that the recent clearings that I’ve done with respect to clearing traumas at these various hospitals has helped. For example, I can feel a difference when I am at the Children’s hospital with AJ. I am currently no longer burdened by the dozens of times that we have spent at the hospital. It feels like when I am with AJ at the hospital, I am only dealing with the emotions of the visit at hand, rather than cumulative emotions of all of the times that we have been there in the past. It has made it easier for me to be at peace and present with AJ, and kinder when I am dealing with physicians and nurses. I have been making peace with the past and with the present. A couple of weeks ago, I spent 4 days at the hospital with AJ and I managed to maintain my peace for the first three days, but lost it by the 4th day. I think this is progress.
A month ago, I was actually on the birthing unit at the hospital where AJ was born, and I noticed that I wasn’t triggered emotionally. It didn’t hurt my heart to be there. I feel that this is deep progress, and I do feel that we will get to the point where AJ is stabilized again and we won’t need to be visiting the hospital as frequently as we have been. This my prayer and hope, but I feel at the core of me that this time is near. Perhaps this time is already being birthed.
I’ve been doing some deep deep clearing of my own in recent months. At the end of November, I cleared what is probably my own biggest childhood trauma and it rocked me to my core. We had recently moved into a new home and AJ then had a difficult December and January, and I’ve been getting used to a new job in a new field of work (birthing an important educational program), so it’s been a huge time of change and transition for us all. I feel that we are just now in the first few days of a new time of our lives. I can feel it. I think all of the difficult times have paved the way for this time of new health and emotional freedom. I can feel it. I honour myself, my courage and my process. And, thank you, dear reader and friend, for being a silent witness to our journey. Thank you.
People have asked me whether I regret moving across the country given how destabilizing it has been for AJ. I don’t have any regrets. Even given how difficult it has been for him and for our whole family, I feel in my heart of hearts that it was the best move for our family. It’s been rough for sure, but I have no doubt that we will get through it. I feel that this city is vibrationally in sync with who I am, in a way that our last city wasn’t. I am in a job that feeds my soul. I’m 43 years old and I have never felt that way about a job. It’s worth it for me. DH wasn’t happy in our last city. He needs to be in a city that is sunny and where it’s easier to be physically active outside. He loves to mountain bike and now we live in the foothills of the mountains. We can see the mountains from our house. DH has the mountains and the sun tattoo’d on his back. We were meant to live here. AJ loves his new school and has been making some good friends. He is starting to show signs that he is thriving here. He is creating in a way that he has never created before (e.g., drawing, painting, creating “magical potions”). I hope and pray that these good days will continue. May it be so.
I took my last timeline wafer related to AJ’s birthday on Jan 31st. Coincidentally, I was at AJ’s birth hospital on that very day. I had planned to scope out the rooms where we were going to be running educational sessions starting on Feb 2nd. And the day turned out to be a complete and utter gong show. I left my laptop on the staff shuttle bus at 9:15 am, which threw my morning off as I tried to track it down. And, then I couldn’t even get into the rooms where we were going to be running our sessions because they were booked by other users (and even if I did get in the rooms, I didn’t have my laptop with me anyway, so it was kind of a moot point). Thankfully, I got my laptop back later that day, but I was on pins and needles for most of the day since it wasn’t turned in until the late afternoon. Thank goodness for honest staff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Part of me wondered if the clearing of AJ’s birth had something to do with the fact that my day went completely sideways, especially since I happened to be at the very same hospital where AJ was born. I had trouble sleeping later that night. I suspected my difficult sleep had to do with this clearing. My itchiness and the rashes on my torso were up as well.
I had a better sleep the evening of Feb 1st in that I slept soundly, however, I had dreams of abscess drainages, surgeries and the dream sequence included both AJ’s birth and all of our recent hospital visits meshed altogether. I felt like it was a significant dream that things were being worked on within my psyche. I was also reminded in my dream how I didn’t allow myself to fully emotionally bond with AJ when he was first born because I had an underlying fear that he might die. (And as I write these words, I’m reminded that an astrologer read both of our astrological charts in May 2016 and he told me that I came into this lifetime with a karmic imprint related to fear that I would have a child who would die, and AJ came in with a karmic imprint of fear that he would die early in life).
That very next morning, on Feb 2nd, it was like a flip had switched and everything that had been going right was suddenly going wrong. AJ was a dark cloud emotionally. Mad. Frustrated. Emotionally regressing at a dental appt. And he COULDN’T TAKE HIS ABSCESS ANYMORE. He wanted them to drain it right away, but the surgery was scheduled for 8 days away. I called his surgeon and there was a cancellation for the following Monday, so it was moved up to Feb 6th. Thank goodness because if they hadn’t been able to reschedule it, I had planned to bring him to the ER on Feb 3rd to get it drained. ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh. I am so sick of this vicious terrible cycle of abscesses and surgical drainage that we are on. I felt other emotions rising to the surface too. Feelings of guilt – that overwhelming guilt – why can’t I keep my son healthy and well? The guilt is a huge emotional burden that I carry. Although it was painful for these emotions to come to the surface, I was also relieved that they were showing up because I also felt like I was reaching another layer of my own healing (which in turn will help AJ). During the last few months when we get into these cycles of hospital visits and emotional stress, I’ve been seeing a vision that the unhealed aspects of my psyche do make things worst. I can see how AJ’s emotional stress “plugs right into” my emotional stress and we so easily get derailed emotionally when things start going sideways. I feel that once I heal some of the significant unprocessed traumas, it will help unravel the whole situation for both AJ and I. I can feel that is true. And that’s the beauty and the power of Heilkunst – we are systematically annihilating the energy related to unprocessed traumas, so that we can eventually be free. It’s not a quick or easy journey, but it’s the only modality that I know that effectively processes at this deep level.
It is now Feb 17th and my next Heilkunst appt is today. This last week has been rough. I received some news on Feb 14th that caused me to grieve deeply. I am still processing those emotions and will continue to process them. I will need some remedies to help with this deep grief.
I am also sad because AJ’s body continues to create new abscesses. He has three at the moment and it’s only been 11 days since his last surgical intervention to drain 2 abscesses. It’s always darkest before the dawn. I’m hoping that dawn will come soon.